.Friday, July 9, 2010 ' 11:08 PM Y
;all the things i'll never say.
we didn't deserve it, dammit.
a lot of firsts for me today.
i trudged through, mainly complaining to myself
about how it was just unfair and
we didn't deserve it, not after what we could have been.
and that it shouldn't have happened that way.
it just shouldn't have.
look, you stupid project-
i let you get the better of me. are you laughing now?
halfway through dinner i finally
knew.
superficial, i think.
shit happens, and we look around at the smiling people
and demand, why not them?
i don't know.
so sick of people shrugging their shoulders flippantly
saying that life isn't fair
passing it off as an excuse for everything.
have heard it too many times for it to mean anything.
my eyes are all bloodshot-y and i know now that so many people look at the world and
ask why did this have to happen? when they know, they would not get an answer.
they ask it anyway, because maybe they thought if
they said it enough, they could push for a reason or something.
look, there isn't one.
i hate this feeling. unexplainable things coursing through your
life. i wish there was a reason for everything so it would all be black, white and primary colours.
i don't know why all this stuff happens but i do know that we
cry our eyes out, we eat a few tubs of ice-cream and swear a bit,
and then we get on with our lives because if
we didn't, we would never know what more we are able of doing.
tell me something i don't already know.
too many times for it to matter, anymore.
asked the same question over and over and over.
miserable (it's not going to be okay.)
on a slightly relevant side note,
it's funny how you still give me strength even
when you are not around.
thank you, really. for this and for whatever.
i never got the chance to thank you for maybe even changing my life in
that itty bitty little way you did.
once upon a time, you'd mattered to me.