.Sunday, September 5, 2010 ' 6:23 PM Y
;all the things i'll never say.
been thinking.wish i was maybe smarter or more
proficient to help you properly because
i can't think of any other way.
(never would have imagined myself saying this.)
but sometimes words
aren't enough.
or maybe i just don't know enough of them.
but read and read and decided who are those who really mean
the world to me now.
thank you to all of you.
would badly want to hug you all and
squeeze the life out of all of you
until you start choking and screaming at me to stop.
hmm. hate that i can never listen to myself.
it's bad enough that i don't already listen that much to others,
and now i won't even agree with what i think
all the time.
promise to spend this one week sorting my life out
properly.
well, hell. promises are lame because we break them anyway.
changed everything i believed in, you know?
frightening when that happens, because i think the only way
to survive is to hold on (really, really tightly) to what you know
to be true.
(of course therein lies the issue of not knowing, completely.)
to the some people in my life that changed me in their own funny & weird way:
you you you!
ah yes. one of my oldest friend, more or less. it's a funny story because i used to hate you, and then i knew you and i liked being your friend a lot, and i hated your girl. just like in the movies where the friend will never think any girl is good enough. she bloody isn't. hate that she put you through crap and that (ARGH) you refused to shoot spitballs into her tuffy hair. it's cool that you still bother, especially with all those awesome people you frolic with. we are nothing alike, so it's weird, but really quite cool. but it's nice knowing you have my back.
thank you for everything thank you for everything thank you for everything. won't have it any other way.
except maybe if you were a little bit shorter.
and you,
had to say this eventually, i think. thought that being in a whole new continent will make our friendship closer than ever but you know as well as me that life doesn't really like following orders. the aftermath was quite depressing especially since we both found a life apart from each other, and now, even words don't (seem) to cut it.
it's alright though. maybe it was wrong from the start.
but it's still cool that we met in the weirdest, most cliche way possible and it grew from there. thanks, too. what can i say, except that it was fun while it lasted.
not entirely upset that it stopped, but
glad that it happened.
to you, hai thr.
you really suck sometimes (in the funny way) but you managed to put up with my crap despite everything and i think that makes you a cool person. i think you're really smart, but the hilarious part is that we do all sorts of stupid shit together (Y) from running like mad, and studying, and heck, singing on and off stage and stalking discjokeys and doing kinematics in the dark.
(holy shit.)
and now you're going to drag me to a horror movie, and i, for the life of me, cannot imagine why i'm agreeing.
ohmygod please be sensible about it, because i think you will be the one whimpering more, heh and inception wasn't even that scary.
thanks, anyway. i will never admit it to you in person but i think you're actually quite awesome (in the wildest sense).
okay okay that's it. don't quote me on this. don't whatever. you won't hear me say it again, HAHA.
(you still suck, by the way.)
you!
are funny, talented, smart, sensitive and full of yourself,
you won't talk, but you say everything.
i hardly ever cross your path, but i guess that's why i love you in the wouldn't-mind-sharing-an-umbrella-or-sandwich-with-you
kind of way.
to you,
spent tens of hours/ days trying to talk sense into you and i'm desperately running out of words. i really want you to know that life sucks and throws a huge pineapple into your path, but you will deal with it because what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger? sucks that you have to go through this but why don't you believe me when i say you aren't alone?
you are really quite something, i think. i hope you won't throw everything away.
but i guess, when you make someone your everything, and when they leave, you've got nothing. hope you get back on track because then, the world would lose someone quite worthwhile.
you've got us.
we may not mean much but i swear we mean it.
you
are a beautiful person underneath but it's sad that
that you don't let that side of you come out much.
and you,
you are neurotic and you talk too much, but you make me laugh, so i love
being around you.
want so bad for you to succeed cause i hate seeing the world pick on you so shamelessly.
and you!
thanks for just understanding, most of the times.
one of those amazing people that makes me feel weird if i don't talk to you for a
day.
and you,
you have nice eyes and i think you are cute.
period.
so, learnt that life works out funny most of the times.
might wish i were taller or smarter or more well-equipped with a frying pan,
but know for sure that i wouldn't give the world to change anything.
don't know.
learnt so much these past few days. too much for my liking, even.
but then again,
i guess the deal with life is that if for once,
you stop trying to wrestle it to the ground and sit on it for it to do exactly as you say,
it might just break through to be
what you've been looking for.
wish they'd stop telling us all that bullshit that it will be
okay, when we know that it really
isn't.
bloody hell.
open your eyes and see, for pete's sake.
there are people who give a damn, still.
decided that there's way more to life than whatever, and whatever
and will spend the rest of my existence trying to find it in me
to understand this sad excuse of a world we live in.
ain't gonna be regretful about any-frickin-thing,
will love every step of the way until i
crumble.
(but then, so what? you will be there to pull me to my feet again.
like old times.)
then we'd sit on stone and shout at the sea that really, the world could just go
screw itself because we couldn't care less.
didn't care at all.
make it last forever.
heh. that's funny. because nothing really lasts forever.
if anyone knows that, pretty sure it's because they might have known something to be
forever, and then watched as it ended, short of forever.
shouldn't be this way.
need a map and a torchlight now because i wouldn't bring myself to ask for
directions.
don't know anymore but,
screw the world,
thanks.