.Wednesday, September 1, 2010 ' 8:05 PM Y
;all the things i'll never say.
Falling a thousand feet per second,
you still take me by surprise
it's funny because they were wrong (all along).when we were younger, they refused to explain why-anything because
"when you are older, you will understand,"
dang, i hated that line (a lot, a lot).
anyway,
it was all a hoard of crap.
because really, the straightforward stuff happens when you are young.
being, when you are older, you don't actually understand (still.)
and that when you were younger, you really did understand (slightly) more things than you do now.
if he kicked you, you hated him.
if he talked to you, maybe we could play together,
but if you liked him, you had this icky fluttery feeling in your little heart. (i think.) and you might just jump off your chair.
if only we have it as clear as that now.
the million-dollar-question is,
why do i keep caring, even though it's not what you think it is?
it's one of those weird feelings like,
i-don't-know-why-but-i-don't-want-to-see-you-unhappy
but worst.
because it's nothing romantic from me to you.
i just don't want to, okay?
not okay. because your life is a wee bit messed up and i don't think you
might ever smile again
unless i forcefully push the corners of your mouth upwards.
i-love-you-because-you-complete-my-sentences - is a hoax.
because people are really, really predictable sometimes.
you just have to know where to start looking.
the hard one is i-love-you-because-you-always-know-why-i-feel-shitty.
the worst part being, i can't hide it from you
when i can easily hide it from the whole bloody world.
you know the feeling?
when that one idiotic person can read you like a picture storybook.
idiotic, but then you wouldn't have it any other way
because some days you really need to know that someone
understands.
what a joke, though.
it'd be funny if it weren't real.
and really happening.
(groan.)
so, two more days (more or less) till september holidays.
will need about 29 or so lists to accommodate everything i need/want/have to/won't have to/ won't care about/ must care about/ etc.
sucks, really. what's one week now? it feels like
a few puny shit hours.
spent the day pushing through macbeth in sub-zero temperatures
and my laptop whirling into
insanity ( i swear.)
afraid i might be mistreating him at times, when i really
shouldn't because he's the closest thing to me
right now.
(mushy lappie moment.)
blew 12 bucks on colours then headed home.
shall reach school early tomorrow for bio.
cranes in ri last week. i don't know
how many we did, though.
magazine stains on my fingers wouldn't come out and
i thought that was cool.
won't say i hate the world.
i suppose no one said it was going to be easy
just that it'd be worth it.
hope you will make it through unscathed.
hell, i know you will.
you always do.