.Thursday, November 4, 2010 ' 11:04 PM Y
;all the things i'll never say.
how i ignored when they said,
run as fast as you can.
cry me a river, bitch. we're going up. (kitty pryde to emma frost)
realised this halfway through training when coach was ranting at some new kid.
i suppose in shooting, we pick up the gun and swagger and aim and then we sometimes push ourselves to fit the sights onto the black dot of a target
before we even dare to fire the shot out.
but more often then never, we aim for half a century, breathlessly refusing to put down the gun if that shot is not fired.
we think we can do it and god knows we struggle to.
shot is fired.
heart sinks at once, you know its a crappy shot, and you chastise yourself for not putting down the gun and starting from scratch.
it's so funny, sometimes. i still do it, a bunch of times now and then.
i think, more or less, it's about daring to let go.
you know you should, because coach says so, because from experience it would be better if you did, because it makes sense to.
what i don't get, is why i still standing there swaying and gritting my teeth, finding it harder than nuts to put the bloody gun down.
anyway,
the thing with life, i suppose, is knowing when to let go, because usually it will be okay.
jack didn't want to let go, and he screwed his life up. but that's not the point.
look now, know when to let go, because then the second time you try again, the shot comes up just as you want it to and you know you didn't do anything wrong by letting go.
i guess i really force myself to put down the gun after swaying like idiot after minutes of scrunchy concentration.
all i'm saying is that, we have to know when to let go, and then trust that it won't screw up and you did what you could, and really you should not feel bad, because you are young and nothing is ever absolute when you are young.
let go.
let go let go let go let go.
if you have to.
because why hold on to something, as though you can change any bit of it?
let go (it will be okay.)
and if you love something, let it go.
(however) i find this a bit bull-shitty.
i mean, why the hell would you do that?
why the hell would anyone do that?
don't people frickin fight for anything they love, anymore?
maybe it's just me, but i will never, for the life of me, understand how you can just stand there and watch her walk out (of your life) without making a fragment of a move to stop her. it's like you don't care where she ends up. like you don't know how badly she is waiting for you to pull her back. she doesn't look back because she knows if you don't pull her back now, you never will.
you will never know, because you are an idiot and you probably don't deserve her anyway.
they don't teach you this bit, but
if you love something, for heaven's sake,
fight.